BACHELORETTES OF NEW YORK

Where in the world is Jude?

2007-01-11T10:47:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since this sight has been updated.
The only question on all of our minds is Where is Jude?

Jude, if your reading this -We miss you and want you back!

Shana Tova

2006-09-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

I want to wish all our members and readers a Shana Tova, a gut gebentch yor, may this year be blessed with only mazel, happiness, health, success - everyone should get what they need both begashmiyus and beruchniyus.
At this juncture, I should also ask for mechilah from anyone who feels they have been exposed and exploited on this blog.
Ksiva Vechasima Tova
your faithful administrator,
Jude

Koppy's Lchaim

2006-09-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

who the hell is aladdin anyway?

2006-08-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

...i am intrigued by this character who keeps inviting the bachelorettes out for drinks...

any ideas as to the identity of this enthusiastic commentator on our blog?

Another Exciting Day at the Office

2006-08-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

**I hope against hope that this letter will gain me the notoriety I need to finally be publicly recognized by MTV and perhaps asked to participate in Room Raiders: The Washington Heights Edition

A Questionnaire

We at "Punk'd" like to provide a questionnaire to potential recruits that helps us to better analyze their funny and overall versatility. Please take your time with the following questions as they allow us to understand your self-worth and general purpose of existence:

1) What is your favorite color?
2) If you were a bagel what flavor would you be. And why?
3) Really?
4) Lets say you fell asleep on a beach in a more ethnic (read: p.c. for the first stop made by illegal aliens before they hit pay dirt in the drug distribution business*) section of town and find yourself rudely awakened at four am by the sound of heavy panting. Upon opening your eyes you discover that you have been surrounded by a pack of rabid and potentially life-threatening dogs. Would you:
a) Run like a little girl
b) Attempt to distract the frenzied pack by barking back and peeing uncontrollably
c) You are blind and suspect that the heavy panting is in fact your boy/girlfriend. Another happy ending.
5) Please insert your own question here so we can use it on future questionnaires thus eliminating all actual work from our job description

Sincerely,

Ashton

* Racial slur intended

4 Signs that You might bored with your job as I am:

1) Planning the days's lunch menu is an arduous task that begins during your 3rd morning coffee and ends somewhere around 4pm. Middle Eastern Time.
2) The gmail screen has become more addictive than crack cocaine -- every time you it the refresh button is like taking a hit. (If you do not currently have a gmail account, please stop reading as i have no need of your friendship or approval.)
3) Getting a new email is more exciting than the first twenty four hours after buying a new puppy/baby/bar of chocolate on a whim. This of course excludes any emails from your mother and/or people who use the term "lol" in any context. Unless it is me who has inadvertently used the afore-mentioned term in which case there was probably a good reason and id prefer not to be judged.
4) Email me dammit.

crank it up

2006-08-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

On Sunday August 6th, Captain Voee headed a mission on the loveboat to cross the Atlantic Ocean. She had by her side 3 faithful sailors. The four seafarers hit the wild waters of the atlantic ocean at approximately 2pm with merely fishing gear and lifejackets to aid them on this mission. The waters were treacherous. The loveboat faced the constant danger of being capsized by other ships in the near seas. But under the expert guidance of Captain Voee and her infamous motivation tactics such as "crank it up", the sailors perservered. As they hit shore (around 60 minutes later), physically fatigued and crispened up by the severe sun, there was a joint sigh of relief. Another arduous day at sea...

New Contributer

2006-08-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, just wanted to send a shout out to the gals who have made this site such a huge success. im a huuuge fan. lol

MAZEL TOV R'CHAMA

2006-08-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Mazel tov R'chama on her engagmet to Zalmy Glassner from Montreal...we would like to wish the young couple much happiness and blessings...may we continue to share in many more simchas....

Regards from Down Under

2006-07-15T02:17:00.000-07:00

Gday,
Well it's been a pretty intense and surreal week for me here in Australia - I spent a week in Sydney - which was strangely both emotional and sad, yet very nice to be together with my family. Now I'm in Melbourne for Shabbos and a couple of days - can't be in Melbourne without hitting the shops.
And then Wednesday, its back to the stinkin hot weather in NY. I just got over my jetlag here and acclaimated myself to the winter, and time to readjust all over again. sigh.
So to those bachelorettes in NY, I will be seeing you shortly. Meanwhile there is a small contingent of us here in Australia creating waves of chaos.
Thats all for now
Your trusty administrator
Jude

JUDE NO LONGER JUST THE FRUIT CUTTER....intimate dinner with jude

2006-07-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

i would like to offically thank Jude for the most amazing sheva brochos eva...the food was great...the ppl were wild esp. those 3 kingston ave. pick ups... gooooooooo jude and voee...and the game was loads of fun...thanks jude for always being there for me ova the past few years living in the big city...cant wait to start walking with you again...maybe zev will join us...;] only brochos good things and finding your true love...

The Crown Heights Factory

2006-06-28T06:02:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was waiting outside 770 for a chuppah - and while I was standing there, with the backdrop of the grand trees of Eastern Parkway, I experienced the consecutive Chuppahs that take place on a nightly basis in Crown Heights. It dawned on me that Crown Heights has become a factory for marriage.
It all starts at the input stage. Young single girls and boys are inputted into this "machine". There is the occassional faulty item, whereupon the machine starts flashing "reject" and the item is ejected. Statistics show that most faulty items come from abroad and tend to be free thinking.
Following the input stage, the single girls and boys are processed. This is where the dating process takes place. Over a couple of months, the machine parts are tossed around, different combinations attempted, till 2 pieces may fit together. If a faulty item managed to get through the input stage by some stroke of luck, at this point, it becomes clear that there is no way the faulty item can be processed within this factory.
Finally we have the output stage. The machine now spews out happy couples ready to settle down in Crown Heights. The marriage ceremonies are consecutive. The weddings are identical. The Crown Heights factory is now deemed efficient and effective.

Possible Origins of the Circle Dance

2006-06-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

1) Some believe it can be traced back to the tribal dance of cannibals before they are about to inflict bodily harm on another - albeit smaller - member of the human food chain. I think anyone who left the dance hall with a pronounced limp and/or a bloody wound can give this claim some real credence.

2) Others feel that dance is often interpretted as to be "a language unto itself". Forming observations based on this theory one might logically deduce that the circle dance originated as the chosen language for the hearing impaired and mentally challenged. This would explain the need for extremely loud music and repetitive steps.

3) And still others* are convinced that it was an archaic homosexual mating ritual. Sweaty palms, hand holding, the chance to be Queen for the day... I rest my case.

Anyone else care to venture an opinion?

*Yes, this is why i wouldnt hold your hand.

Weekends Events

2006-06-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

The events coordinator is back at work keeping you updated with the weekends events...

Fri Night: Meal at 565 Crown to welcome Yoheved to the big city - come over and say gday
Shab Arvo: Shabbos Kallah for CKK at 1592 Carroll from 5:30
Sunday Morning: Wedding Shower/Brunch for Raachie from 11:30 at 565 Crown.

Have a good one,
Jude

Story to Follow

2006-05-29T16:03:00.000-07:00

...the lchaim

2006-05-29T06:14:00.000-07:00

here's a couple of pics from the lchaim last night...butch - u looked stunning!
was quite a wild night filled with drinking and cigerette throwing, but the climax of the evening was when a certain individual walked into her neighbours house who were supposedly away on vacation, barely dressed, and bumped into the man of the house.

Bachelorette #4 takes the plunge...

2006-05-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

so its been around 4 months since this blog commenced..and the fourth bachelorette has decided to take the plunge...
Mazel tov Batsheva Bronstein on her engagement to Yehuda Leib Borenstein!!!!
L'chaim iyh Sunday night at the JCM.

Im Never Flossing Again / The Worst Date of My Life

2006-05-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

Girls can be very melodramatic, its always "i ate forty cookies" meaning, i drooled on forty cookies and finally broke down and ate a half or "my butt is trying to take over the tri-state area" meaning well, the half a cookie was a bad idea. But what if, what IF, something truly dramatic happens? How can a self-professed drama mama emphasize the abject horror and residual trauma of the proposed event?

im thinking changing font colors is the way to go.

So anyways i went on The Worse Date of my Life last night. It began relatively innocuously, i was shopping in the city - ie pretending to try on clothes in upscale stores in a valiant effort to avoid the bitter May winds - and I get a call from the current beau:
me: yo.
Be: Hey im downstairs -- beep beep
me: Did i fotget to tell you that i didnt go home and im still in the upper west side..he..he
Be: (Dead Silence)
I should have just turned off my phone right then and called it a night, but instead i allowed the offers of free bleach and plaque rinse ( yes, another dentist) to lure me into his car not unlike the boogyman and his candy from bygone years. Anyways, my first mistake was turning on the radio which was suprisingly permanently stuck on ESPN. As we all well know last night was the NBA playoffs, Miami Heat vs Detroit blah blah.. anyways he immediately abandoned the facade all boys employ on dates so that their prospective mates are fooled by the sophisticated facade and forget, albeit momentarily, that at their core all boys are supreme geeks and he started screaming and banging on the car windows whenever the ball moved a distance of approximately 2.53 inches in either direction. He also put on a special "basketball cap" to ensure that I understood that, yes, the facade has not only been abandoned --- but it apparently is on vacation when he purchases apparel as well.

Well after twenty minutes of interactive radio time "we" decided to find a sports bar to finish watching the game in relative comfort - in other words, his favorite team was winning and and its simply no fun to gloat in a car with no obvious fans of the losing team. In his haste to find a bar though, he didnt realize that he had inadvertently led us into a bar whose main attraction was topless waitresses, i would refer to the inimmitable locale by name but I am trying to clean up my posts. Anyways, "bli neder" he had no idea that this place wasnt the usual variety of sports bar and I believe him. Really I do.

To be continued.....

Telepathic S - -

2006-05-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever tried it? See I was .....

ok i feel repressed on this blog now that my parents count among the readers. What should i do at this point to preserve my anonymity and the more disturbing content of my posts? I might mention that the name "hotpants" has already fallen under attack around the dinner table, although it was employed as a tool in which to further mock how far I fall from the "hotpant" implication. But I digress -- seriously, any recommendations as to how to procede at this point would be welcome.

sincerely,

frozenfanny

LaG bAoMeR fEsTiViTiEs

2006-05-15T14:55:00.000-07:00

join us for a bbq tuesday night at 6:30 on the roof of 565 Crown St..

dont forget to bring:

- instruments (even if you don't play)

- donations to cover costs

- random friends

- and if someone has speakers for an ipod that would be great

any questions contact jude or chomi

sick in bed :(

2006-05-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

so i figured i'm sick in bed..what better use of time than gracing you all with a post from me. It's been a while since we've put up a shidduch bashing post, so i figured its about time for.........

WHAT THEY SAY & WHAT THEY MEAN

NOTICE THE USE OF FORMATTING AND COLOUR CODING THAT I JUST DISCOVERED

Q. Is Mendel a smart boy?

A. He's not a rocket scientist, but he's street smart

He has the IQ of a fish

Q. So tell me, does Chaim trim his beard?

A. Well you know, he doesn't water it

He has a five o'clock shadow on a bad day

Q. And tell me how frum is this bochur?

A. Oh he's frum, don't worry - he keeps Shabbos and Kosher...he's an amazing guy

...and smokes pot, runs bars, has a pimping agency..but don't get me wrong, he's an amazing guy

Q. What sort of business is Yossi in?

A. Yossi is quite the business man - he's started up his own company and is really successful

pick one of the below:

he's in mortgages

he's in real estate

he's in cell phones

Q. And would Yossi ever consider shlichus?

A. Oh you know, he's very flexible and open minded

i can give you whatever answer you want to hear...take your pick

Q. How old is this boy you speak so highly of?

A. He just came out of Yeshivah

about 7 years ago

Q. Final question - what kind of girl do you think Yaakov is looking for?

A. He's not into external things at all - all Yaakov wants is a girl with good middos - someone kind, thoughtful, intelligent and of course a mentsch

..forgot to mention that she has to be 5"6, size 2, loaded with money and preferably gezhe family.

tune in next week for another session of shidduch bashing...till then may the force be with you

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

2006-05-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

A series of heartbreaks have recently ransacked the hearts of some of my nearest and dearest and so I have made the noble decision to use the blog as a tool to help them expel their heartbreak. Stangely enough this decision was encouraged by the fact all the recent turmoil has been wreaked by dentist. If you would refer to a previous entry you might understand that this is not a suprising occurance. And so without further ado...

An interview:

Me: So...judging from the melting puddles of ice cream and the multiple copies of beaches, Id say that something is amiss (translation: who forgot to replace the kleenex and ignored my desperate cries for backup)
Roomie1: Im fine. I just like to cry for no reason, ive always been this way. Also my life is over.
Roomie2: Here are the Top ten reasons why i hate dentists and wont go out with Him again
Roomie1: (bursts into tears at the mention of the D word)
Roomie2: a) he's a fidgeter ----- I know I have a problem with this myself but nothing in comparison to him. He wins . (Note: sometimes winning isnt good)
b) he's not cute and has no personality to make him "appear" cute to me so he gets an overall cute factor of nothing (Note to our male readers -- cute factors are intricate mathematical calculations and nothing is a bad score)
c) he can't handle his drinks...I felt like even grape juice had the potential to drive him over the edge . ( Note: This crime can be akindeled to a mustachioed woman)
d) He loves dentistry....a little too much (Note: none needed, im sure we are all conjuring images of a man in a desperate embrace with a shiny drill and some laughing gas)
e) He doesn't have a cell phone . (Note: A boyfriend that cant be phoned at three am from an over-loud party to hear the love of his life giggle and stumble off to throw up -- is no boyfriend at all.)
me: I'll need to interrupt this interview to prevent this entry from becoming overly-long and basically pathetic wherein its appearance indicates that i never work and have way too much time on my hands, an incorrect assumption i might add. SO ladies, any final thoughts.
roomie1: Can I call him?

---praying against hope that my roommates understand this is a serious dramatization of actual events and by no means should this affect my ability to gain entrance in the apartment this evening

...back in the game

2006-05-03T17:29:00.000-07:00

the blog seems to be up and running again..it must be due to the latest arrivals to NY of sim and kallah raachie..welcome fellow friends - its good to have you back...
...an update on the hectic life of a full time career woman in NY - ive survived 3 days of a job...looks like im setting a record here...

i am feeling extremely anxious with this blog writing seeing as though my entry has been preceded by the analogies of hotpants...therefore i will conclude with a thought on life:

"life is like a roll of toilet paper - the closer you get to the end, the faster it seems to go"

A Travelogue

2006-05-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

I find it strange that mother nature has endowed most forms of animal and plant life with the natural instict to fight or flee in the face of danger, but no such mechanism seemed to be at play when I reached out for a glass of water at la casa Royal this past Pesach. Sure there was a sign that read something along the lines of "It is not advisable to drink the water" in Hindu, Afrikaans, Chicken scratch and a smattering of other medival languages , but what should have been written in bold was:

"Drinking the water in this hotel is not advisable as you will definitely run out of toilet paper and all social graces at the end of a 24 hour period. And, by the way, there is no word for air freshener in Hebrew".

Luckily, I was vacationing with my family and social graces were not required nor, for that matter, encouraged.

Vacationing in the Dead Sea for Pesach can be very glamorous. And the suckers who actually pay the exhorbitant last-minute airplane costs and five star hotel lodging fees will do what it takes to re-inforce that image . I don't fault people for buying into the compelling fantasy but what does call for censure are the people that actually come back for a second round. And by that i refer again to the afore-mentioned Family.

Two years and many moons ago we made the fatal decision to spend eight days and nine nights (ultimately forced to flee by rumors of better dessert at a neighboring locale) at a glamorous resort in the Dead Sea called "The Nirvana".

What we did not find: Glamour
What paid us an unexpected visit: Violent food poisoning and impregnable sweat stains

To be entirely fair, the food poisening was not a direct result of eating in the Hotel dining room, but it could be argued that the lack of variety and general "survivor of the fattest" mentality espoused in the buffet lines ultimately forced us to purchase a wok and keep a healthy potion of quinoa, an uglier cousin to the much better known cous-cous, simmering in our hotel suite for three days. The again, It could also be argued that we are certifiably insane. We waited until the third day when desperation and flat-out boredom compelled us to sample the delicacy. I am proud to say that four years of late-night binging on old college cafeteria food rendered me the only family member not brought to his or her respective knees by the rancid grain. And its not my fault I have a nervous laugh, who could seriously believe that watching the people I love collapse like dominos around me could possible be contrued as comedy?

When I got the family email this year regarding potential destinations and saw the words "Dead Sea" proposed by a more vocal member (ie he who pays for the trip) I tried my best from stopping the inevitable from occurring;

Reply to All: Id love to see you again --- The Quinoa

But to no avail -- the next email I received was my ticket, middle seat near the overwieght fellow with the bad breath and the unique ability to make small talk last for eight hours. Yes, I refer to my brother, not currently a reader. Mealtimes were my only respite, but I digress...

Looks like I have to do some work. Tune in next time for the following vacation highlights:

-- When Connect Four becomes more than just a game
-- "Whatchu got Under There?" A joke with Universal Appeal
-- How to Date 3 ppl Simultaneously with Immediate Family Members Standing By
-- Never miss breakfast & Other Foodie Horror Stories

PEOPLE ARE LOOKING!!!!

2006-04-24T02:35:00.000-07:00

It has become known to me that SOME of our fathers have been looking at this blog (and all the ones on our profiles)!! Jude I must tell you that i am quite shocked!! however i do have some good to report...hot pants i dont know who you are even though Jude told me once but i forgot, well hot pants it has been reported to me that your "getting locked in your apartment" story was written exceptionally well in perfect english! so well done!!

"Matzah with a side of Shilshul"

2006-04-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

Please stay tuned as my time has run out at this particular internet cafe/illgal online gambling location.

shalom

2006-04-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

Check this website out! Now why couldnt i think of something like that??

http://oneredpaperclip.blogspot.com/2005/07/about-one-red-paperclip.html

Wine Tasting Party...AKA: Moshiach Seudah

2006-04-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

Anyone in the Melbourne vicinity is invited to my place Thursday afternoon for a wine and cheese tasting party..ok fine a wine and matzah tasting party.
Hope to see you there,
missing all those bachelorettes in NY and can't wait to see you soon,
JUDE

2006-04-17T06:45:00.001-07:00

hey girls
after the mini reunion tonight i'm glad jude has invited me to join the bachelorettes blog and hopeful that ill get to have some fun with you all in new york soon (if i make it for the wedding)
have a chag kasher v'sameach (for whats left of it)
shmisa
x

2006-04-17T06:45:00.000-07:00

...the mystery of the shank bone...

2006-04-11T04:31:00.000-07:00

well ive spent several hours searching book and googling trying to figure out the connection between the zeroah and marriage. and I'm mystified. there seems to be no evidence linking eating the zeroah bone after the seder, and ones success in finding a life partner. so i leave this discussion up to the public. if you have any sources that may help to help figure out this mystery, please share.
till then,
have a kosher and freilchen pesach
next year in jerusalem

911

2006-04-09T06:20:00.000-07:00

im trapped inside my apartment.

I woke up this morning excited that my roommates werent home and planned to spend a leisurely day of packing for pesach while dancing to some really loud spanish hip hop. On my way to the kitchen i casually tried to open the front door and to my horror-- the knob fell off in my hand. I have now become obsessed with getting out of the apartment.

Things I have tried as a means of escape:
1) the old "swipe your credit card through the door slot" technique. This method is generally espoused by spoiled post-college girls who suspect that their parents' credit card is indeed the answer to all of tlife's troubles
2) the "jiggle it" technique. My absentee roommates are quite taken by this method. The concept is that you put the knob back in its originally slot and keep "jiggling it" until the door opens -- integral to this method is a strong grip on reality because after the third panicking fone call to the afore-said roommates mentioning that the method might be not be working, their invariable response will be --"but did you jiggle it?"
3) the "call for help from any avialable window" technique. While living on the sixth floor of an apartment building in Harlem generally negates this option, after trying method number two for an hour you might be in need of a good scream.
4) the elusive "fire escape" method. Being the responsible apartment tenant that I am -- I had no idea where the fire escape was, but being trapped inside the apartment for eternity and then some gave me ample opportunity to find it. And find it I did. Unfortunately I found it hidden behind a mammoth dresser in my roommates room as well as a window that appears to have been cemented into place.

And so, Im going back to bed. When I wake up I think I'll try jiggling it again.
Have an awesome Pesach

Greetings from down under

2006-04-06T23:37:00.000-07:00

Well after spending 30 hours travel time and figuring out at least 10 different sleep positions on the plane...I finally reached my destination - home sweet home. Nothing has changed in Melbourne in the last few months (well based on my trip from the airport to my house) ...As usual the annual Pesach comedy festival is on..and of course pre pesach smorgy..
anyway missing all you bachelorettes - and can't wait to see some of you next week here in the sunburnt country...
your trusty administrator,
Jude

heading down under

2006-04-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

well im to Australia this evening - but before i leave, i figured i would post up a couple of pictures from the lchaim last night. Following strict instructions from an individual who wishes to remain anonymous, the pictures have been censored.

..and another one bites and another one bites, another one bites the dust

2006-04-04T14:40:00.000-07:00

Mazel Tov to Bachelorette Chana Keila on her engagement to Dovid Cohen..

Party tonight at the Museum! Be there

"There can be miracles, when you believe"....Stay posted!

2006-04-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

blog sharing..

2006-04-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

I found this article on another blog - divinelite.blogspot.com
Don't get too teary when reading it!

I'm Getting Divorced?
A good friend is like a model sibling.That's how it is with a friend of mine on the way to the Ohel as I write this post. I am very happy for him. True happiness. Selfishly, I have a sinking feeling within. It's not like losing a friend, Gd forbid, but it's losing part of him.A bad example - a husband encourages his wife to divorce him in order to find a more suitable man for herself.I have a million emotions swelling and synchronizing from my heart to my brain. This is my first close friend to fall, or shall I say, get uplifted.This is life. And I wish him only the best for a very holy marriage, filled with love, laughs and good health!The following addition gratefully stolen from wandering:Marriage is very weird and wonderfulOne by one, they are slowly disappearing. As each one ties the knot with her soulmate, the rope that ties our own friendship together, slowly unravels and starts slipping away. As I dance at weddings, the joy is powerful and overwhelming. My feet are moving, my body is dancing in a boundless, unlimited, almost unnatural joy. The music throbs and I dance 'till my face is flushed, my hair is damp with sweat and my feet are aching in my too high heels. I am joined in a circle of shining faces and overjoyed hearts, but the ache is slowly spreading like a fungus to my throbbing heart. The emptiness widens like a yawning chasm, the hole that is missing from the pure and wholesome happiness that should be a part of me.I look at him and can't help but envy his luck, he has won the part of her heart that used to be mine.

To the Bachelorettes who need a good laugh...

2006-04-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping withme, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax pour it on to your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying aword. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barn yard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would beattracted to you!

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE!!), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wakeme at5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a roughdraft before the masterpiece.

Welcome to the big city Esti!

2006-03-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

We'ld like to welcome our fellow bachelorette Esti who has come in all the way from Belgium for her brothers wedding...we encourage everyone to join forces to help convince her to stay here in NY...

Chicken Necks??

2006-03-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

Please join us tonight at Elissa's birthday farbrengen as we feast on....Chicken Necks/Zeroahs. They will be roasted to a crisp...

The Youngest Bachelorette

2006-03-26T00:39:00.001-08:00

DJManny has returned from Masada! B"H the youngest Bachelorette is healthy, eating well and not being a brat! But really our little girl (whose name is Kayla Rochel) is k'ah such a beautiful baby. Yudi thinks she's just hysterical (but he did try and pull her hair out today...) and we're just obsessed with her! Here are some pics of our little maidel - she literally could be some serious competition for you manhunters - however seeing that there's a slight age gap I don't think you should be too worried!!! Anyway guys, DJManny signing off for now...will bring some good, juicy Melbourne goss asap (however being cooped up in hospital for the past 5 days I haven't much to report as yet...)

Love youse all,

DJM

The Youngest

2006-03-26T00:39:00.000-08:00

JCM program

2006-03-23T22:13:00.000-08:00

Koppy, Butch and myself all participated in the creative kids club fun in the kitchen program today. Check out some of the pics - we had over 100 kids....it turned up to be quite a success!

Welcome Baby Manny

2006-03-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to the world Babby Manny! At this point we would like to invite the new Bachelorette to join the Blog...
oh and Mazel tov to the parents - Manny & Josh - good effort DJ!
Please get some pics up of the Bachelorette!

Spotting

2006-03-21T04:59:00.000-08:00

There has been another spotting of the infamous Voee here in the Crown of Heights. She was wearing aviator sunglasses and was attempting to keep a low profile.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

2006-03-17T09:56:00.001-08:00

MAZEL TOV TO FELLOW ADMINISTRATOR RAACHIE ON HER ENGAGEMENT TO ZEVEL!
THE NEWS HIT SHMAIS WITHIN 5 MINUTES:

Zevi (ben R' Tzvi) Katz (Crown Heights) to Rochie Reisenberg (Melbourne, Australia) LECHAIM IYH SUNDAY NIGHT @ AGUDA SHUL 446 CROWN ST.

SHE HAS ASSURED US THAT SHE WILL CONTINUE POSTING ON THIS BLOG!
PHOTOS TO COME!!!

Love is in the air...

2006-03-17T06:11:00.000-08:00

please stay posted

Post Purim Pics

2006-03-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

REWARD: a sizable amount of money!
Looking for a roaming individual who was last seen passed out on the floor of a certain apartment building .
She is easily recognizable by her heavily tanned skin, and her Indian Saris.
She goes by the name Voee, and is most seen hanging out wherever she can get a free drink.
Any info, please contact 646 246 9960

Purim in Floz...

2006-03-14T13:23:00.000-08:00

hey girls...just wanted to wish u all a happy purim...wissh u were all here with me burning up that miami sun...and hanging out with bobby;] jude and ck and choz...special thanx for doing me that fav...see ya all on thurs...

BNY MELBOURNE UPDATE

2006-03-12T21:55:00.003-08:00

BNY MELBOURNE UPDATE

2006-03-12T21:55:00.001-08:00

Megillah reading at Yeshivah was exactly how you'd imagine it - Mr. G laining, Chimothy's mum was there (as was Jude's), the shule filled with some pathetic costumes (ie. old bridesmaids dresses) , synthetic Morticia-wigs by some witch-wannabes, a certain woman in her mid 50's with a sheitel that reminds you of golden corn wearing this over-the-top face mask had a gragger the size of a small child (she almost hit me in the head with it...btw try and guess who I'm talking about). There were a few women dressed as hula girls (they forgot the coconuts at home though...) and of course you had some Alpha chocolates there...(what is Purim in Melbourne without some Alpha chocolates??)
Enjoy the pic of Yuden dressed up as a Torah - he was SO cute...or should I say IS so cute (but now he's shloffy...)
Oh, and if you haven't guessed by now...I'm still around...
Signing off for now...DJManny

BNY MELBOURNE UPDATE

2006-03-12T21:55:00.000-08:00

Greetings Bachelorettes!

I bring tidings from your dearest home town - where the weather has ranged from 20 degrees (warm for you...) to 36 degrees (stifling for us!)...
As the fast of esther slowly draws to a close we are all busying ourselves with making our way to Yeshivah to hear Mr. G...

All of us but one...

Alas, seeing as I am well over 5 days overdue I am REFUSING to partake in Purim celebrations until this baby comes out! I seriously am considering NOT going to shule tonight because I cannot bear to speak to another person about being overdue, going into labour and all the other stuff...Plus I can't be bothered putting my hair on...

Jude, I must give my vote of thanks on being invited to post on this most fantastic blog - I take my position as a poster seriously!

Tonight at the Werdiger's is this years Purim bash - the theme is goblins, elves, witches, wizards and whathaveyou...I shall give you an update that I receive via wosh, seeing as I am not going...I am in hibernation until I leave Masada...

However until then, I will endeavour to bring you some juicy updates (ie. who dressed up as what lol) should I be afforded the opportunity to sit at the computer again before the throes of labour attack me.

Enjoy the picture of Juden (Jude's namesake ;) Have an EZ fast and a joyous Purim

DJ

Shalach Manos!!

2006-03-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

Check out the shalach manos me and Choz made...We reckon they're good enough to sell...

purim invite!!!

2006-03-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

HEY GIRLS!
CHECK IT OUT! PURIMS ALMOST HERE AND YOU DONT NEED TO SEARCH FOR A PARTY! HERE'S ONE MADE JUST FOR YOU AND EVEN BETTER, U DONT HAVE TO CRASH COZ UR INVITED!! IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME WITH REAL AFRICAN DRUMMING AND TONS OF FUN SO DON'T MISS OUT! SPREAD THE WORD, FWD THIS TO EVERYONE AND BRING UR FRIENDS! OPEN THE ATTACHMENT FOR DETAILS!
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU THERE!
HAPPY PURIM!

When: Monday night march 13

Where: 556 Crown Street

Time: 8pm

Cost: $10.00

DINNER SERVED

Dress: EXTREME DISGUISE!!!!

RSVP OR ANY QUESTIONS ASK: DEVORAH LEAH COHEN ON:347-463-2608

Feast your eyes

2006-03-09T20:51:00.000-08:00

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5552969475659644659&q=dance&pr=goog-sl

why did i go see a broadway show tonight when all the entertainment i need is right here in front of me?

Welcome

2006-03-08T11:39:00.000-08:00

A warm welcome to our newest bacholerette - MimJap!

Well hellllooo

2006-03-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

thanks jude for the lovely invite i seriously feel honoured.....it was great seeing your hooked up apartment last night after that visit you are deff not allowed to come see my basement...as im sure rochi can vouch its quite em compact..hopefully by the end of this year this blog will be totally defunct and changed to "newlyweds of ch from autralia and our annoying mother-in-laws", well i dont have anything especially funny to report sooo keep up the good work!

Word of the Week

2006-03-07T19:03:00.000-08:00

Being as though I'm spending my nights studying, and getting a little restless with it, I decided to add a new column to the blog. Each week I will put up a new term and we will have a competition to see who can figure out what the hell it means.
This weeks word is CETERIS PARABIS.
Cheers,
Jude

Sausage Sizzle @ Judes

2006-03-06T17:06:00.000-08:00

Whilst Jude and Raachie were once again found strolling the parkway, jamming on Judes pink iPod, Jude had a confession to make: Mum sent her some Melbourne hot dogs. Within seconds, the route was cut short, and a sausage sizzle was arranged for Jude and Raachie. Plans were hectic, getting the BBQ ready in time to satisfy our cravings for a good old Aussie sausage. 20 minutes later, Jude and Raachie were sitting down to a candlelit dinner including appetizers, a fresh salad, and of course loads of ketchup. At one point, Choz downed a hot dog then made a run for it to kings plaza....anyone who wants a ride speak up now!!

Bad News

2006-03-06T05:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry to disappoint everyone, but I was told by an anonymous individual that there are no Matisyahua tickets available anymore - the event is fully sold out. Which means tonights events have been cancelled. If you have any access to tickets, please let me know!

This Weeks events...

2006-03-05T06:54:00.000-08:00

As I said, despite my employment, I will not fail to provide you with the upcoming events of the week.
After a rocking Avraham Fried concert last night, we can't stop boogying...so Monday night for all those who are interested theres a Matisyahu concert in the city. Contact Jude if you want to come.
There will iy"h also be a poker game this week - only qualified players can join. Details to follow.
Keep Saturday night free for a good bye party/birthday party for some of our dear friends.
Your trusty coordinator,
Jude
P.S. If anyone has any Purim parties to tell us about, please share

Jude & Rach @ Tea Lounge

2006-03-01T19:06:00.000-08:00

Jude and Rach escape the big city, for the small town tea lounge on a lonely Wednesday Night. At approximately 9:30, Rach was found stalking Jude, and a little while later, they hit the underground. The highlite of the evening was meeting a creepy paedophile, with his lover on the train. He was actually from Flatbush. Rachie was found venting about the therapists in BR and how they dont share their toys with her and Yides. Jude was just jamming on her IPod.
Anyway, come on over and chill at the Tea Lounge..good jazz on tonight...

Employment at Long Last!

2006-03-01T05:53:00.000-08:00

Jude has finally found herself some gainful employment - but not to worry, the blog will still be up and running, with regular posts.
At this point in time, I would like to sincerely thank all my dear friends, who supported me through my months of unemployment - from lunch dates, to shopping trips, to career advice.
Oh and of course - thanks to Choza for helping me set up my computer desk/office last night - it looks hot - come check it out!

What Happens

2006-02-28T06:54:00.000-08:00

.....when I stay too late at the office....

Dear Sir or Madam,

I recently attended a ***** event at the request of some very persuasive friends* and had a most excellent experience . At the completion of the event I offered myself as a volunteer for any future events bearing in mind they include refreshments and some form of indoor heating - wood or gas - im not picky. To my utter dismay, I was never contacted regarding the afore-mentioned volunteer work. Almost as disturbing was the time I needed some extra cash and applied to participate in a study on alcoholism promising only minor side effects. The rejection letter still haunts me. This glaring lack of follow up has led me to draw one of the following conclusions:

1) I have a debilitating form of body odor and the only volunteering I should be doing should involve a prescriptioned bottle of deoderant and a less confining work space

2) There is no actual volunteer program and my email address was taken in another sneaky attempt by Banana Republic to get me on their spring mailing lists

As either scenario obviously requires immediate attention - I'd appreciate it if this e-mail was brought to the necessary party's attention at your earliest convenience. Meanwhile my coworker has gradually been edging her desk away from mine and I am beginning to suspect it might be the former.

Sincerely,

Hotpants

Creepy Interview

2006-02-24T12:28:00.000-08:00

Well yes, Jude experienced yet another creepy interview on this cold, windy Friday morning. So the guy "Michael" arranged to meet at circa...strange, but I figure why the hell not. I'm a little suspicious...I consider bringing along a friend for protection..but circa is a public place.
Anyway it all started to get dodgy when Michael explained to me he was a divorced bachelor. Fine, nothing is wrong with a single guy interviewing a girl in circa. I innocently ask him where his office is, curious as to why the interview had to be in a cafe, and this is when it became really creepy. He told me he has a home office. Actually not really a home office, an office in HIS BEDROOM to be precise. Which brought up the topic on the sort of bed he has in the office, so not to offend his employees. At this point, I was checking the closest escape route, but to no avail. The interview continued for an hour and a half, at which point I got offered the job. Nothing quite like the Jewish Press for great job opportunities...

time to take action

2006-02-23T17:34:00.000-08:00

As i am sitting here delving into a large piece of chocolate mousse cake (and then trying to see if i can still suck my stomach in) I have decided that it is time to take action.

NO MORE CALLING OURSELVES THE BACHELORETTES.

I feel as if I am in my prime years of my life. I am 16 at heart (although yes, i have wrinkles)
and I refuse to sit here reading about negative experiences.

I SAY WE DANCE.
(and then go to a szmorgasbord)

Mazel Tov!!

2006-02-21T17:46:00.000-08:00

Well a fellow bachelorette blogger has just bitten the dust. Mazel Tov Rochie Lieberman on her engagement to Dovi Barber. Blessings and benedictions unto both of them.

Words of Inspiration

2006-02-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

In response to an accusation today "why dont u make ur blog more exciting,, im the only one that comments", I've decided to share some words of inspiration.

A fellow friend of mine provided me with this little odd spot which I thought I would share with you.

"This week a group of Nevada residents began a campaign to legalise marijuana in the state of Nevada. The groups slogan is whores and gambling aren't enough." (Time magazine)

And a fellow family member of mine gave me this link which some of you may appreciate.
http://www.andrewsilke.com/movies/Cane-toad_400x200.mov

Infiltration of the blog?

2006-02-18T21:43:00.000-08:00

It seems this blog has received quite a wide spread readership. Emperical evidence that has crept its way to me implicates that the blog has been infiltrated. Be warned.

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T15:33:00.000-08:00

Hate Valentine's Day? You're Not Alone
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
By Catherine Donaldson-Evans

It’s Valentine's Day. The holiday of love when sweeties across America celebrate with crimson roses, chocolate hearts, cuddly stuffed animals and candlelit dinners for two.
Nauseating, isn't it?
Though many couples and singles do something special to mark the occasion, almost as many on both sides of the relationship aisle confess to loathing the sugary day of romance and the stress, depression, guilt and disappointment that bubble to the surface when it arrives, maddeningly, year after year.
“I think the holiday is total crap,” said a newly married 27-year-old man from Greenwich, Conn., who asked not to be identified.
Some feel icky about the sappy quality that characterizes Feb. 14. Plenty of Valentine’s Day scrooges despise what they say is the corny, forced sentimentalism of a contrived, overly commercialized holiday.

NOW ARENT WE LUCKY- We singles dont have these type of problems...

Highlights from my meeting with the shadchan

2006-02-13T16:15:00.000-08:00

So I was finally convinced into meeting a shadchan today. It was the only way my mother would stay a couple more days. So I turn up to the meeting, promising myself I will keep my big mouth shut, and behave. But I couldn't resist...read the dialogue below to see some of the great moments of todays meeting.

#1 Jude: I would preferably like a boy not from CH because I find the CH boys to be quite narrow minded
Shadchan: You mean you want the son of a shliach
Jude: No, I mean i want a boy from out of town
Shadchan: But the only boys who live out of CH are shluchims kids. Why else would they live out of CH.
Jude: Well I live out of CH
Shadchan: silence, shock, bewilderment

#2 Shadchan: So tell me what sort of boy you would like
Jude: Preferably one that can read and write for starters

#3 Shadchan: What is the problem with most of the boys you date
Jude: Well they smoke pot and go clubbing...generally not my scene
Shadchan: Silence, trying to figure out why one would smoke a saucepan

...and so the meeting progressed...Well I think I finally got my Mum over the shadchan visits...

Lechaim

2006-02-13T16:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Tu Bshevat
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2138178994239730121&q=big+ad

The Nanny Diaries

2006-02-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

Otherwise known as the story of one girl who tends to date very small men.

Last night i made the mistake of going on a quest for romance with yet another pint-sized man. To give the readers a benchmark as to the size of this little fellow id like to reference a popular children's storybook called "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs". Im currently on number three.

This romeo only reinforced my initial impressions by recommending a viewing of "The Pink Panther" as a potential date venue. His eclectic choice in theater became more obvious after I noticed the movie was actually rated PG for suggested parental guidance. I finally understood my role.

Id have to say the low point of the evening was when we both struggled to cross a snowbank at the front of the theater. As a height-challenged person, I took precaution to follow in the footstep imprints of the giants who had ventured out before me. He was less cautious. When I looked over all I could only make out a deep hole and the tips of his spiky black hair. I am curious to know what hair gel he uses, b/c that stuff can really hold up.

--- still waiting for my valentine

Stranded in the Borough

2006-02-12T10:17:00.000-08:00

Hi guys,
In case you're wondering where your administrator has run off too...well I'm stranded in Boro Park...the Ave Plaza is providing great people viewing - especially the lobby. I've even witnessed a couple of shidduch dates here.
Ill be in touch once I reach civilization again
Jude

The Weekends Events

2006-02-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

Well despite a small dose of depression, your events coordinator is back at work. So heres the plans for the big weekend.
Friday Night: Miriam Moss' Shabbos Kallah at 1353 Carroll St.
Shabbos Afternoon: Come visit Judes family after lunch at 1384 Carroll, Apt 16A.
Shiur: Rabbi Jacobson gives a great shiur at around 5 in 770 for those souls who need a little inspiration
Saturday Night: Come gatecrash the sheva brochos I have to go to. Make sure you're fully dressed in a black velvet suit, pearl necklace and sheer black tights. P.S. The snagstreet boys are performing.

Shabbat Shalom
Jude
BTW If anyone has some words of wisdom, as in a dvar torah, please post up.

funny

2006-02-08T17:51:00.000-08:00

You have got to check out this clip... its so funny!
http://www.wimp.com/boothprank/

teeth. what are they good for?

2006-02-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

absolutely nothing.

Last night, lying in bed comatose from another round with captain jack, I began to imagine a life without those pearly buggers. Here are some observations:

If i had no teeth..

1) Smiling would become obsolete. And my concurrant lack of dimples all the less obvious.
2) Ice cream ( not the cholev yisroel kind) would achieve the kind of popularity that Michael Jordan can only dream of
3) Fear of flossing would drop to number two on the list of "reasons seemingly happy people contemplate suicide".
4) Dentists would go back to their old jobs -- i e using those odd little brushes to rinse potties in abandoned outhouses.
5) my tooth hurts too much to continue this list

Judes Family Reunion/Night of Bashing

2006-02-07T20:39:00.000-08:00

Well it's good thing I started tonights family reunion with a large glass of wine. What I thought would be a quiet night in glatt a la carte, with some lovely veal marsala, ended up being a four sided attack at Jude. Below are some of the statements of the night and allegations made about myself.
- "Who would be so stupid to send you chocolate Yehudis. Why would you want to eat it."
- "This girl picked me up from the airport who is getting married. It's funny because you think it's only the pretty girls who get married, but she was quite plain looking."
- "I think you are being too fussy and not willing to compromise. No body is perfect,not even you."
- "Why would he want to go out with you? You're 23, he probably wants an 18 year old."
- "Why do you talk about politics on dates. It's better that they dont know your opinion."
- "Why shouldn't he choose to get married in NY. You know you can't be so fussy. There are more girls than boys."
- "So what is the proportion of boys dumped to boys who have dumped you"
- "So tell us about the last boy who dumped you."
- "You know boys only want to date size 2"
....and so the evening progressed. For those who wish to send their grandmothers to a support group, please contact me.

WE LOVE FRESCA

2006-02-07T16:43:00.000-08:00

Yes it is true ....Fresca is just not the same unless shared with family and friends...as soon as i hear that pop of the Fresca can i know that my friend who wishes to remain anon will share it with me....because Fresca is just not the same unless shared with family and friends...dont you all agree?

What Jude Does in Her Free TIme

2006-02-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

Many of us were under the deluded impression that a fellow bloggette name "Jude" was unemployed.

Au contraire my friends.

All those "power walks" and sessions in the kitchen slaving over a hot stove, just an elaborate cover for the seedy underworld that she has made her life's ambition.

http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order/

It appears, my friends, romance is not dead. My question is... which one looks french?

Lashing out at the Innocent

2006-02-06T09:17:00.000-08:00

Im sure shes guilty of something...

Post removed due to severe beatings

please follow our friend/roommate/lover in her finest hour.

This Weeks Profile

2006-02-05T18:51:00.000-08:00

Name: Voee
Age: 23
Height: 5"3, assuming she's wearing her israeli boots
Fav Food: Food? Who needs food when there's tequila
Infamous for: Her crown heights connections, and her prank calls (often as a result of her connections)
Quotable Quote: Trouble is my middle name (followed by a wink)
Most likely to see her: Crossing the George Washington bridge, dodging police cars
Ambition in life: to go surfing in Australia

CK and JUDES big weekend

2006-02-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

Well after a tiring day in the big city, we enjoyed some great leftovers from Friday night...We've also decided to start a new plumbing/electrician partnership. Any blocked toilets, call Jude, for help replacing light bulbs, CK is at your side.

alot of ppl with too much time on their hands.....

2006-02-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

Well, after being told (or hearing thru the grapevine) that this blog is the hottest new blog
on the market i decided to check it out for myself.

My conclusions:
1) We have some sexy dancers out there. meet me at the china club thurs night.
i'll show you a good time
2) the bachelorettes enjoy too much their status of bachelorettes.
3) hotpants, i have a crush on you
4) no-one has a job

gotta run.........
to be continued............

GIRLS DANCE PARTY....YEAH!!

2006-02-03T09:27:00.000-08:00

The admin of this blogand the girls of aprt 565 were found making alot of noise at around 12.30 on fri afternoon. Why stress about guys or lack of....just dance was there motto!!!....whwoow

Censored

2006-02-02T20:18:00.000-08:00

Rumor has it there has been some unsolicited visitors to our site- thus resulting in the removel of the photos!

Discrimination?

2006-02-02T09:12:00.000-08:00

So this is the second job I've been rejected from because of my single status. First it was JEM, now the shluchim office. Do you think this is grounds for suing for discrimination. I want to hear your feedback.

what do the bacheloretetes do in there spare time?? use this picture story to figure it out...

2006-02-01T19:06:00.000-08:00

DATING SURVEY

2006-02-01T17:20:00.000-08:00

I thought it would be interesting if we did a survey of the current Dating Status of the Bachelorettes of NY. If you wish to remain confidential, email me your response, and I will post the results shortly on the blog.
Are you:

CATEGORY 1:
1) Currently Dating...
a - and in love
b - unsure
c - completely disinterested, just doing the right thing
d- nauseus at the site of the guy

2) On a break...
a - just started
b - half way through
c- on the final lap

3) Not dating because...
a - you just broke up with a guy
b - lack of prospects
c - youre sexually confused
d - well you thought you were dating, but apparently you're not

4) Engaged/Married
...well lovely news - but this blog is called Bachelorettes of New York so piss off

JUDE THESE R FOR U, can u geuss where we r...hint not in the u.s.!

2006-02-01T16:34:00.000-08:00

BACHELORETTES OF NEW YORK

2006-02-01T12:38:00.000-08:00

BACHELORETTES OF NEW YORK

Two lovely girls were spotted today talking seriously to a Real Estate Attorney on the corner of Kingston and President at approximately 11am. These girls may be found dressed in high heels and suits going to sell Title insurance to various prestigious firms throughout the city of New York. Interested viewers would do well to watch the Kingston/Eastern Parkway Subway at approximately 10am Monday morning as the girls set out on their way.

Still awaiting the arrival...

2006-02-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

We're still awaiting the arrival of several VIPS to this blog. Access will soon be restricted to those members of the blog.

The Bitter End

2006-02-01T08:16:00.000-08:00

The natives were stirring.

Ok thats a lie. They remained stoic and immobile until i accidentally banged my shoe against the wall. Repeatedly. In my defense, there is only so much time you can look at someone's backside speculating how much their face might resembles their more exposed regions before creating some sort of disturbance. Anyways, finally one gingy fellow (not a dye job) sat up in his bed and exclaimed,

"Hello. I'm naked again aren't I.*"

Apprently unfazed, he then made his way around the room searching for what I assumed was a pair of underwear, but what actually turned out to be a kilt and vikings hat. After putting on the hat, he stumbled back into bed.

Later that day, all my roommates woke up and began introducing themselves. Apparently, they were all a gang of friends who decided to take off a year from their respective workplaces and tour the world. Along the way they learned a few valuable lessons which they proceeded to impart:

1) The hotels in Thailand cost only one pound - but the rooms are not private. One fellow was sharing a room with a human-sized cock-a-roach weilding a machete. Apprently not everyone likes to live with roommates.
2) When you run out of money a viable activity is drinking cheap vodka. At that point even bathing in a river wiht poverty-striken natives can seem like "a good time".
3) Don't run out of money

Crappers, the rabbi is back. To be continued.....

* I learned later that this was not an uncommon occurance during an impromptu game of invisible volleyball.

The Wedding of a Lifetime

2006-01-31T20:39:00.000-08:00

All your aussies missed out on "the wedding the year" as someone once famously put it. I am currently dealing with bruises that I got as a result of attempting to join the dance circle - why the hell do New Yorkers have to push so much?
And whats with leaving the hair on the chicken...
Another thing I noticed, a lot of girls here in Crown Heights are extremely skinny...do you reckon they eat?

to the administrator

2006-01-31T17:05:00.000-08:00

Jude wat can i say....the progress on this site is amazing!! from its humble begginings in short hills to no stop postings and comments wow jude what can i say... u make us proud!!

A word from our sponsors

2006-01-31T07:01:00.000-08:00

Sex sells. And i'll prove it.

This past weekend I found myself homeless in sunny florida with :

a) a barnes and noble bag stuffed with clothes (I used to tote Duane Reade but i'm trying for a classier look)
b) a pair of hot sunglasses (purchased after imbibing way too much alcohol at the airport bar. Alone. Again.)
c) a bad sunless tan - this is actually a heads up to anyone who may corss my path later this week.

Not having any hotel reservations to speak of, I made the fatal decision to follow an old - but not wise - aquaintance to a youth hostel on south beach in an effort to save a few dimes. We arrived at three in the morning and after finding the room* and depositing our cargo, a lone occupant informed us that sleep before five am was impossible. I had noticed a distinct shaking in the floor but worried that the floor was merely responding to the excess weight my body had retained ever since, well, how far back do we want to go? Anyways, it appeared the shaking was the result of a gay club located directly beneath our current abode and that all occupants either drank their way into oblivion or stayed out til six in an effort to get some uninterrupted sleep. I chose option one for obvious reasons and proceeded to pass out on a top bunk.

Sometime the next morning I awoke with a mild hangover and gingerly sat up in bed. Here is some of what went through my mind:

1) Where the hell am I?
2) Why am i looking at someone's ass?
3) Am I taller today? (This is an oft-repeated query)
4) Why am i looking at someone's ass?

To be continued...

* six bunk beds and a few miniature lockers to house what i assume was little dolls and buttons

Our newly renovated loungeroom

2006-01-31T06:32:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics of our newly furnished lounge room. As you can see, it is still quite desolate, so if you have any furniture up for grabs, let Jude or CK know. Specifically, an area rug, a couch, a recliner and some chairs.

Events coordinator at work

2006-01-31T06:28:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'ld update you on the current program planned for the week.
Wednesday Night: "Tea and Torah" in the Tea Lounge. Time: 8:30 - 9:30. RSVP to JUDE
Broadway Tickets: Butch has available discounted Broadway tickets. If you're interested in seeing a show, let JUDE know.
Hens Night: We will be iy"h having a hens night for Moss next week. Details will be posted.
Shabbbos Meals: Elissa has various invitations, and all those willing to join her for a random meal, let her know.

Note of Concern

2006-01-30T15:26:00.000-08:00

It's been over 24 hours since the initiation of this blog...and it seems that certain individuals who wish to remain anonymou have failed to publish a post...It's gonna get pretty boring if I'm the only one writing stuff here...

Your trusty moderator hard at work

2006-01-29T19:58:00.000-08:00

WHATS HOT, WHATS NOT

2006-01-29T18:07:00.000-08:00

Raachie and I have been working on this list as we stroll the parkway..feel free to add your thoughts on whats hot and what indeed is not.

WHATS HOT: Equestrian boots, blogging, "im on a break", wearing sunglasses in the winter, puffer vests, strolling the ave. in pumas on a friday arvo, receiving flowers from your "mother", insomnia, unemployment

WHATS NOT: Cheapy boots, collective emails, dating, the winter sun blaring in your eyes, puffer jackets, high heels for shabbat eve groceries, receiving flowers from your mother, a good nights sleep, the corporate world